


Daddy Is Sorry

by aestaetic_aurora



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, baekyeol has daughters, how to tag, i swear i am really sorry, mentions of mpreg, sorry i'm new here, thisisareallysadstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 03:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9800405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestaetic_aurora/pseuds/aestaetic_aurora
Summary: Their marriage was failing.He finally had enough.





	1. I Guess We're Just Not Meant To Be

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! To my subscribers back at Asianfanfics, tis me PinkApples! ^^ I will be crossposting all my fics here before I delete my account over at Asianfanfics :")  
> And yes, this is my own work, I didn't plagiarize anyone  
> Comments and kudos are much loved and appreciated~ ^^  
> xoxo

 Baekhyun stared at the man sprawled across the bed with a mixture of fear and disgust. No, this isn't his husband. This isn't the man he married. The Chanyeol he knew and loved had beautiful warm eyes and an infectious smile. And he never scowled. Not even when his troll of a boss was making his life hell on purpose. Even then, he would still laugh and smile and play with their girls. Chanyeol always made a point not to bring his troubles at work back home. But now those were all just things of the past. No more laughter and giggles filling the house. Now, it was a drunken mess of a husband he greeted home every day, at midnight, no less.

 He sighed, lying his body gently on the bed so as not to awaken his slumbering husband, and rested a slender hand on Chanyeol's chest. " Oh, babe. What happened to you?" 

 No response. What was he even expecting, anyway? 

 Sighing again, he got up and went downstairs to do the laundry. On the way, he picked up the coat Chanyeol had discarded carelessly in drunken stupor. Dear god, it reeked like hell.

 Baekhyun was just going to dump the entire basket into the washing machine like the lazy ass he is when he smelled something on Chanyeol's coat. Lifting it up gingerly with his fingertips, he took an experimental sniff.  _What the??_ It was girls' perfume. What on earth is a girls' perfume doing on his husband's coat??

 Did he really want to know the answer?

 Baekhyun knew he'd regret this, and Chanyeol was going to get so mad at him, but he's finally had enough. Baekhyun is getting sick and tired of dealing with Chanyeol's shit, sick of lying to Chanmi and Bomi when they asked where Appa was, telling them Appa was working late and it was just them and Daddy for the night when deep inside of him he was worrying if his husband was with another woman or, god forbid, a man. Whores who clearly didn't know how to keep their hands of taken men. God help those people.

 Baekhyun crept silently into their bedroom, rooting around Chanyeol's slacks until he found what he was looking for, his husband's cell.

  _Shit shit shit_ Baekhyun cursed under his breath, holding the offending item that was Chanyeol's cellphone in his hands. Never had he felt so afraid in his life. Chanyeol absolutely hated it when someone touches his phone. Like, literally flip out. God, he should just put the phone back and pretend nothing happened.

 And go back to the lying and stress? Baekhyun was in dilemma now.

 Before he could stop them, his wretched fingers had already pressed a random button on the phone. The screen came on, the light literally killing his eyes. He scrolled the screen and pressed the icon titled 'Messages'.

 Oh, there's one received a few minutes ago. How utterly convenient.

 Baekhyun closed his eyes in a silent prayer, and read the message.

 

_" Hey there, Babe! Homaigod last night was so incredible! So, when can we meet again? I wanna see more parts of you, if you know what I mean! ;)  Hope to hear from you again soon!"_

_J~_

 Baekhyun blinked at the screen for a minute. He could have laughed at how the childish the message was, how desperate the girl sounded, if it weren't for the fact that the one simple message served as a death-sentence for their marriage. 

 " Baek? What are you doing?"

 Baekhyun almost had a heart-attack. " Ch-Chanyeol!"

 " What the fuck are you doing?" Chanyeol was rubbing his eyes, and Baekhyun savoured that moment of adorableness before his husband's eyes landed on the phone still clutched in his hands.

 " Is that..my phone?"

 Crap. Baekhyun was shaking, but not with fear. Okay, maybe a little, but it was mostly in anger. This was the final straw. All this while he had only been suspecting his husband was having an affair, but now he had finally been proven right. He could feel his heart slowly dying along with the remnants of their marriage.

 He didn't know what the hell possesed him, but he found himself thrusting the damned phone in his husband's face.

 " Is it fun being a whore, Yeol? Maybe you can teach me since you obviously have gotten good at it."

 Honestly, he didn't know how he got the nerve to hurl such an insult, but he was even more shocked  by Chanyeol's response. His face reddened in suppressed anger, his hand raised in the air and went down to slap Baekhyun on his cheek.

 Baekhyun stumbled back in shock, the tears automatically coming in response to his stinging cheek. He didn't dare look up as Chanyeol stalked out of their room. He let the tears fall, slowly, like rivers. Fucking rivers. Chanyeol never raised a hand on him, not even once in their 8 years of marriage.

 Baekhyun sank down to the floor, letting the tears fall earnestly now. What was going to happen now? Everything is out in the open now, and unsurprisingly, it did nothing to comfort him. His husband, who vowed to love him and share his life forever, had literally gone into the pants of a woman.

 Guess his life wasn't worth sharing with.


	2. The Price Of Our Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad, sad, SAD that's all I have to say about this chapter :( i swear i question my motives writing this a lot

 Baekhyun watched his husband expertly navigate his car out of their porch, feeling a dreadfull emptiness inside. Childishly, he had refused to spare even a glance at Chanyeol as he made pancakes for the man to bring to work, silently chastising himself for being unable to resist temptation. But then again, he could hardly be blamed. He'd made breakfast for Chanyeol every day in their entire marriage. He wasn't going to be able to change his habits overnight. But he's starting to question his judgement when he handed the tupperware over to his husband and received only a cold nod for all his troubles. And now Chanyeol had left without giving him a kiss. Baekhyun blinked, holding back tears. Chanyeol never left for work without receiving a kiss  from Baekhyun. Even when Baekhyun is too exhausted to get out of bed, Chanyeol would whine and nuzzle Baekhyun like a puppy until his small husband would finally give in and granted him a brief but very passionate kiss on the lips.

 Biting his lower lip, Baekhyun forced himself to calm down. He only had to hold it in until Chanmi's at school and Bomi is suitably occupied. So, he forced a smile, bounced up the stairs, and sang a little song as he woke the girls up.

 "Morning, Daddy.." Bomi smiled up at him, his warm little bundle of sunshine.

Chanmi, on the other hand, glared at him like she wished he would spontaneously combust then and there so she could continue her beauty sleep. His eldest is sadly a lot like him, Baekhyun mused, a bit slow in returning from the land of dreams and appreciate the wonder that is real life.

 "Come on, Park Chanmi. It's time for school," Baekhyun whispered, rubbing his daughter's back soothingly. Mumbling incoherently, Chanmi finally managed to extract herself from the warm blankets and shuffled to the bathroom like a little zombie in fairy pyjamas. Smiling, he bundled up Bomi in his arms and went downstairs to cook more pancakes. And by the time Chanmi came downstairs, looking perfectly angelic in her school uniform, there was a tall stack of pancakes waiting for her at the table. While Chanmi ate, Baekhyun had to literally push Bomi up the stairs to have her bath, promising that he'll make sure Chanmi didn't eat all the pancakes.

 After both girls had been deemed suitably dressed and had their little tummies full of pancakes, the three began their usual walk to Chanmi's school. The routine is done every monday and friday. It's not that they didn't have a car, it's just that Baekhyun felt it was the perfect opportunity to bond with his daughters. At first, Chanyeol thought it was ridiculous.

 " What happened to your feet??" Chanyeol looked shocked at the sight of his husband's feet covered in blisters. Baekhyun had been a bit shocked too, to be honest. It had been just two days. But then again, Baekhyun had been born in a wealthy family. He wasn't used to walking long distances, not that Chanmi's school is too far, rather Baekhyun's feet had been spoiled too long.

 Baekhyun tried explaining his motif to Chanyeol, but his husband had simply given him a weird look. " You do know you have a car, right?" " I know, and it's not like I'm not using it at all. I just want to spend more time with my babies. Is that so wrong?" " Umm..Baek, you practically spend your entire day at home. Isn't that enough time with them?"

 Baekhyun huffed, annoyed. " Ughh.. I knew you wouldn't understand. You weren't the one who had to carry them inside you for nine freaking months!" At that, Chanyeol had immediately wrapped his arms around his tiny husband, assuring him that of course it was fine, but he'd better protect his feet from further harm. Baekhyun had giggled at that, promising that of course he will take better care of his feet, and was reduced to helpless chuckles as Chanyeol swung him in his arms, bridal style, and flung him on their ridiculously large bed. That was a magical night for both of them. Well, maybe not for Chanyeol anymore..

  _Okay, thats enough Baekhyun.._ Baekhyun slapped his cheeks and then averted his attention to little Bomi. She was lying on her back on the floor, clutching a bear and sucking her thumb while being completely absorb by Echanted, her latest favourite movie. She had seen it at least ten times now, but Baekhyun was hardly going to complain. Baekhyun heaved himself off the couch and went to the large drawers where they stored all their albums. It was easy to find the one he wanted, it was so familiar to him, he had it commited to memory. Flipping the album to the first page, he ran his slender fingers across a photo of two teens, looking so happy and in love, on their wedding day..

___________________________________________________

 Maybe the problem was they had married too young. High school sweethearts, Chanyeol had proposed to Baekhyun on graduation night. Baekhyun accepted without a single thought. They had gotten married right before heading off to college together. Life in college was blissfull. Chanyeol would wait outside Baekhyun's classes and they both walked home to the house they rented together. They were a proper, married couple. Life was perfect for them. 

 And then, the summer before their second semester, Baekhyun discovered he was pregnant. At first, they were so excited. The prospect of being parents made them giddy with joy. Visiting every baby store available in their area, trying to imagine the little bundle of joy they would soon have.

 But then, Baekhyun started to suffer morning sickness, feeling incredibly sick and moody. It was a wake up call for them.Parent hood wasn't going to be easy. So they readied themselves with books on pregnancy and babies. They thought they were perfectly ready. And then Chanmi was born, their lovely daughter. They loved her to death, but they couldn't help but resent her for forcing them to grow up so quickly. While their other peers worried about finals and future plans, they worried about nappy rash and sleep deprivation.

 It was because of this that Chanyeol had developed a drinking problem. And it only got worser and worser until Baekhyun confronted his husband. They had the worst fight in their entire relationship. And it only ended after Chanyeol broke down and confessed his depression, his constant worry that he won't be able to support his family. Touched, Baekhyun hugged his husband comfortingly and swore to stick by his side no matter what.

 After that, there were less terrible problems, nothing they couldn't handle. Bomi was born three years after Chanmi, and she had been their miracle baby. After her birth, Chanyeol had received a raise from his boss and Baekhyun felt more relaxed and less uptight. Their family were doing perfectly well, until now..

 Baekhyun whimpered softly, clutching the album tightly like a life-preserver. What was going to happen now? Was Chanyeol going to demand for a divorce. Oh no, Baekhyun couldn't bear the thought. He couldn't live without his husband, and what about their girls? Were they going to have to fight for them? Baekhyun couldn't seperate their daughters from their father, but he deffinitely couldn't handle the thought of living without them. They were too much a part of him.. Oh god, is this really happening to him??

 " Daddy?"

 Baekhyun's sobs got even louder as he felt his little angel's small, warm body press up to him as she hugged him. Bomi hummed softly, like Daddy and Appa always did whenever she had woken up terribly scared after a nightmare. She didn't understand why Daddy was crying, she only knew she had to comfort him, because Appa would get terribly cross if he saw Daddy crying.

 Baekhyun finally got hold of himself and pulled away to smile at Bomi, assuring the little girl that her daddy was alright. As he stroke his daughter's hair lovingly, Baekhyun made a silent promise to himself, no matter what happened, he wasn't going to allow his daughters get taken away from him.


	3. Broken Hearts And Selfish Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun does something stupid, and the author continues to hate herself for writing this

Chanyeol silently let himself inside the house, taking extra care not to make too much noises. He crept up the stairs on tiptoes and peeked into the master bedroom, although he already knew what he was going to see. There was Baekhyun, practically crushed between their two daughters. The three of them slept on peacefully, unaware of the tall man watching them with his heart full of regret and self hatred.

 Chanyeol went back down to sleep on the couch, taking with him an extra comforter from the cabinet in the hallway. As he laid there, alone, in the dark, he let himself drown in the black world caused by depression. He had been suffering for months now. 

 Park Chanyeol is suffering from depression.

 The last time he felt this way was when Chanmi was born. After that, there had been a few close calls but none of them hit him harder than this one. Chanyeol wasn't ready for parenthood. At first he thought he could learn from experience, that the feeling of being trapped would gradually go away, but it didn't. There were times when he would look at his daughters and wished they would just dissapear. It was a selfish thought, and he resented himself for it. But he couldn't help it. He wanted so badly to go back to being madly in love with Baekhyun, his darling husband. Not that they weren't in love anymore, rather they had other priorities they had to put first.

 Chanyeol also felt jealous of Baekhyun, for being much better at handling parenthood than him. Of course he knew it wasn't the smaller man's fault. Baekhyun was't a socialite like Chanyeol, preferring to keep to himself most of the time. So naturally, being cooped up at home with their daughters would be perfectly fine with him. Whereas Chanyeol was a complete party animal, drinking alcohol the way other people  drink water. Having to stay at home and nurse a screaming, colic baby did not fit well with his lifestyle.

 And now it was starting all over again. The desperate need to go out and drink himself sick, to pretend for a moment that he didn't have any major responsibilities, to not have to worry if the money isn't enough to feed his family.

 Chanyeol wanted to escape from it all. He just wanted out, period.

 So he did something that he still felt horrible about. He shagged it off with the first woman who showed the slightest bit of interest in him. It felt so wrong, touching someone who wasn't Baekhyun. His body belonged to Baekhyun. So he pushed the woman away.

 But the second time, he just didn't care anymore. He rode that woman like he never rode anyone before. And after that, he felt so ashamed for cheating on his husband but at the same time, it felt so good he didn't want to stop. It was like a drug to him. An addiction.

 Chanyeol knew they couldn't keep on like this anymore. When Baekhyun discovered the god awful message (how on earth did he manage not to delete the damn text?) and he hit his husband for the first time (he could never forgive himself for that), Chanyeol realised it was time for him to grow up. He needed to take a break from everything, to clear his mind of all the jumbled up crap. 

 ______________________________________________

" Oh, you're home."

 Chanyeol didn't miss the venom in Baekhyun's tone and flinched slightly at his husband's apparent anger.

 It was Saturday morning, and both the girls were still fast asleep. It was just the two of them in the kitchen now, so Chanyeol felt it was the perfect time to bring up the discussion.

" Baek, we need to talk."

Baekhyun flipped the fish fillet with a little bit too much force than was necessary, and sent it flying in the air..and landed on his left foot.

" Oww!! Fuck-" Baekhyun yelled as he hopped around, holding his injured foot in the air.

 Chanyeol immediately went to his husband, concerned, but Baekhyun angrily pushed him away.

" Stay away from me! I can handle this myself!"

" Like hell you can! You can barely stand straight! Now stop being so proud and let me take a look at your foot!"

Baekhyun went silent at Chanyeol's raised voice, and meekly accepted his help without protest.

 Chanyeol carefully applied medicine on the swelling foot and wrapped a bandage around it, doing it so carefully like Baekhyun was a porcelain doll. Baekhyun just stared at his husband. He never realised how much he missed the big giant until he saw him.

 " Channie.."

 Chanyeol flinched at how small Baekhyun's voice sounded, and forced himself to look up. Baekhyun was crying now, biting his lip as he looked at Chanyeol forlornly.

 " Channie, please come back to us. Come back to me. I don't know what I did wrong but I promise I'll fix it. Just please, come back."

 Chanyeol abruptly pulled away, trying to ignore the look of hurt on Baekhyun's face.

 " Baek, I can't do that."

 " Why not? You won't even do it for your own daughters?"

 " Please don't say that, hon."

 "Don't say what?" Baekhyun was furious now. " Don't say that you have a problem? Did you really think I wouldn't know, that I wouldn't understand what made you do all those shitty things??!"

 Chanyeol stood up then. " I have to go."

 The impact that single sentence did to Baekhyun was apalling. His husband broke down then and there, clinging to Chanyeol's feet like it was his life preserver.

 " Please don't do this to me, Channie." Baekhyun begged.

 " No, YOU don't do this to me, Baek. You know I can't go on like this anymore. I really have to go."

 And with that, Chanyeol ripped Baekhyun's arms away from him and positively fled. It made him feel like shit, making his husband cry, but he felt it would be worse if he kept on hurting him.

 

Baekhun sat on the floor weeping his eyes out. The way he saw it, Chanyeol leaving meant everything was over. And he absolutely refused to live without his husband.

 At that split second, Baekhyun made a choice that effected their entire family.


	4. Adventure with Daddy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll understand if you hate me for what I'm doing to this family /gives up on life/

 Chanmi and Bomi came downstairs to find their Daddy in the living room, biting his nails nervously and looking absolutely disheveled, with a suitcase by his feet. Chanmi looked nervously at Bomi, then called out to Baekhyun because he didn't seem to notice them.

 " Daddy?"

 Baekhyun looked up, looking like he had just been woken up from a nightmare.

 " Oh.. Morning, baby."

 Chanmi loooked quizically at the suitcase, and Baekhyun understood what she was asking.

 " We're going on an adventure, darling! Isn't that exciting?" Baekhyun smiled a very forced smile.

 "What about Appa?" Bomi asked, causing her to get elbowed by her older sister. They both knew something was going on with their parents. It was obvious in the way Appa acted all awkward and Daddy acted too cheery. But Chanmi told her sister not to say anything because it might make Daddy cry.

 " Appa's gone on an adventure without us, baby." Baekhyun whispered, stroking his youngest's hair gently. " It's just us. So now you girls go upstairs and pack your bags."

 Obediently, they went upstairs, got out their rather dusty duffel bags and started packing. Their daddy hadn't said how long the trip was going to be, so they only packed the essentials : a toothbrush and toothpaste, and some clean clothes. Bomi brought along her favourite ragdoll she named Soju. She had only meant to name it after Super Junior, a group she only remembered as the guilty group because they kept on singing Sorry Sorry. By the time her parents knew she had named her doll after alcohol, it had been too late. All they could do was try to keep her from saying the doll's name in public.

 As they packed, Chanmi suddenly said " I think Appa left us."

Bomi looked shocked. " How would you know, unnie?"

 "It's so obvious," Chanmi said it a know-it-all tone. " He never leaves just like that. He has too much work to be done. And Daddy has that weird look on his face he always has when he's lying."

 "He does?" Bomi asked, amazed. She had never noticed it before. But then, she completely trusted Daddy to tell her the truth. So why would she go around looking for signs that he was lying?

 " Of course. But I guess it's good that he left, anyway. He makes Daddy cry too much." Chanmi flung a sweater in her bag withforce which made Bomi sure she was lying to herself. But the little girl kept silent, holding her sister's hand after they finished packing and went downstairs.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Baekhyun drove as far away from home as the car could manage, and checked in at the first hotel they found. It was a little pricey, but Baekhyun didn't care. It was just for a night anyway. And the girls' reactions were worth it. They ran around, checking out the room enthusiastically. It was rather large, a bit too large for a small family like them, but Baekhyun was contentet as long as the girls were happy.

 That night, after eating out at McDonalds, they slept on the floor, in a tent. It had been Chanmi's idea, and at first Baekhyun thought she was being ridiculous for choosing to sleep on the hard floor instead of the warm softer bed. But after both girls begged him, unfairly using their aegyo on him, he finally conceded. He constructed a tent using the inner blanket, and used the outer blanket as a mattress to sleep on. Baekhyun cringed at the unsatisfactory result. Chanyeol would have done a better job at it, he thought wistfully. But he quickly banished the thought away. They'll live.

 Baekhyun turned off the lights, and crawled in between his girls. They both immediately clung to him. Chanmi started chattering away about the wondrous happenings at her school. Bomi kept quiet, though she did tell him about the cocoon she watched split open and produced a butterfly as big as her palm. She sounded adorable, amazement in her voice as she wondered how a small cocoon could house such a huge creature. Baekhyun kissed the crown of her head, telling her that it was indeed marvolous. He then took both girls in his arms and told them both to go to sleep because it was late. But really he only wanted them to sleep so he could let go of the tears quickly.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Bomi missed Appa. She really did. She wished he had come with them so he could hear about the big butterfly that was so beautiful and scary at the same time. But she didn't dare say anything incase Daddy got upset and unnie gets angry at her. She knows that Chanmi unnie misses Appa too. But she also hated him because she saw him as a villain for making Daddy cry. She felt that missing Appa was a betrayal to their Daddy.

 But Bomi knew that Appa wasn't a villain. Because she had seen him cry too, though she never told anyone about it, even Appa. It was her own special secret.

 She had crept downstairs for a drink when she saw him sleeping on the couch. She was wondering why he was sleeping there instead of next to Daddy when he suddennly started crying in his sleep. Soft moans escaped his lips and tears fell earnestly from his closed eyes. Bomi rushed over to him, worried that he was hurt, when he started mumbling.  _Baek, forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. Please..don't..It hurts..It hurts like hell..don't take my babies away.._

Bomi didn't understand what her father was saying. But she understood that he was dreaming about Daddy and that he's hurt, so she did what she thought was right, which was to kiss Appa's tears away and patted his back until he stopped crying and moaning.

 To Bomi, that night proved that Appa wasn't a villain. Because villains don't cry. And he did.


	5. Forgive Me, My Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The awful day has come, bring on the tomatoes and pitchforks \o/  
> Also, I edited this chapter a bit because i dunno, it felt weird to me when i reread it..  
> AND this will be the last chapter of this story, no spin-off whatsoever because honestly, I like it better when it ends this way.

The next day, after driving around aimlessly for half an hour, Baekhyun finally found the perfect spot to hide a car. Just off the road, a small stretch of woods.

"Are we there yet?" Bomi asked for probably the tenth time. Maybe more.

Baekhyun had told the girls that he was looking for a place to set up camp. That they would be sleeping in the car, most likely with the heater on, as it was too cold to be sleeping outside. That they should trust him. And no, they weren't stopping at the gas station to call Appa.

" Almost, Bomi-ah. We're almost there."

" I'm hungry."

" Me too," said Chanmi.

" Have another pretzel."

"But we can only have two at a time, thats the rule!" Bomi replied, looking every bit the scandalized school girl who just caught a boy peeking under her skirt.

Baekhyun turned in his seat and grinned, reaching out to pluck a pretzel from the paper bag, "There are no rules here, sweetie. We can do whatever we like."

The two of them had looked at each other in shock, and just a hint of excitement, before inhaling all the remaining pretzels in one go, getting their fingers sticky with the sugar. But Baekhyun couldn't bring himself to care.

 

 Having just stuffed herself with pretzels, Bomi had now taken to kicking the back of his car seat.

"Bomi-ah, what's wrong?"

"I'm bored.." Baekhyun could almost hear the pout in his daughter's voice.

" Lets play the Love Game!" Chanmi squealed. Baekhyun smiled. The game had been invented by Chanyeol, when a blackout had hit their home and the girls had been too terrified of the dark to sleep. The rules were simple : Name a person you love and a reason why.

" I'll start!" Bomi chimed in. " Appa! Because he always hugs me and keep me warm when its cold like this." she smiled at her sister. "your turn, unnie."

It took Chanmi only a second to answer, "Daddy. Because he let us eat 3 pretzels today."

" Oh, baby.." Baekhyun didn't know wether to laugh or cry.

" My turn," he smiled. " Chanmi and Bomi, because they are the best daughters a dad could ever ask for."

The girls practically climbed over each other to get to him first, to wrap their arms round his neck and tell him  _I love you too.._

 No one mentioned that he had broken the one-person-only rule.

 

"Here, drink," said Baekhyun. He held out a shaking spoonful of cough syrup. The three of them were all crouched together in the back seat of the car, the seat collapsed for added room. Baekhyun had spread out blankets and pillows and had them change into their pyjamas, as well as a free pass on the brushing of teeth.

 He could have made a show out of crawling over to the front seat, fishing the thermos, toothpaste and toothbrushes out of the suitcase, making the girls spit out the back window, but why bother? If nothing else, the last few moments of their lives should be free from all things specious and obligatory.

"But I don't have a cough," said Bomi.

Baekhyun tried to steady his hand. "Just drink it, honey. It will make you have good dreams."

" Cough syrup makes you have good dreams?"

" Of course."

" Is that a white lie?"

 _No,_ Baekhyun thought,  _it's a black one._ " Just drink it, okay? I don't have all day."

" Okay," his daughter said. Then she opened her mouth wide like a bird.

 

Bomi's eyes felt so heavy. But she didn't want to go to sleep yet. There were so many activities they could still be doing. " Daddy, do you think there are butterflies here?"

" Of course, sweetheart. Now close your eyes. Look at Chanmi. See? She's already fast asleep."

 Oh no. Her daddy was crying again. Just from watching unnie sleep. The past few days had been weird, but Daddy pretended everything was normal, a white lie. Sometimes, white lies were annoying. People wanted to know the truth. Even if it hurts.

 This wasn't how she imagined camping. Where were the s'mores? The tent?

" Can we make s'mores?" she asked.

" Yes. Tomorrow. We'll buy everything we need at the store," said her daddy.

" Promise?"

" Promise."

She fell back on her pillow, which was actually a guest pillow.

" I want to go home," she whispered. Her eyelids felt heavy. So heavy.

 

 It took more than an hour after the girls hadfallen asleep for Baekhyun to work up the courage to clamber out of the car, shutting it gently behind him, with a roll of duct tape in hand.

So many times had he thought how this act would create as many new ties as severing them. No longer Chanyeol's husband, he would be his late husband; in addition to his children's father, their murderer. It broke his heart just thinking about it. But there was no question of leaving his daughters behind.

It hurts to say it, but as much as he loved Chanyeol, the man would be fine without him. His daughters would not. Wasn't death better than desertion? The question was one of compassion. The deserted knew they have been left. The dead do not. Wasn't it better for them to die than live with the fact that their father abandoned them?

Crouching low behind the car now, he attached a vacuum hose he bought at a convenience store to the end of the tailpipe, wrapping several long pieces of duct tape around the seal. It had to be tight, with no possibility of a leak. The end of the hose in place, he stood up, unrolled the back window a hand's length, and began covering the gap with plastic sheeting, pulling the surface taut. When he was sure every edge was tightly sealed, he punctured a small hole into the surface of the plastic with a twig and twisted the other end of the hose into the tiny hole.

He stepped back from his creation to admire it.

He walked back around the car, this time in the direction of the driver's seat, and snuck in quietly. Reaching inside his pockets, he took out the note he had composed earlier. He'd woken up two hours before the girls to give himself some space and time to say everything he wanted to say in it, but when he actually sat down with the hotel stationery and pen, only the most absurd cliches popped out.  _I can't go on. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm living in a kind of hell._  What do you write to the husband you're leaving after 8 years? But in the end, he had simply written what he needed to say.

My dear Chanyeol,

 This isn't your fault. It's mine. You will never understand what I went through these past months, but I hope you would understand why I had to do this. I love you so much, Chanyeol, and I'm sorry for taking the girls with me. But I hope you realize, as I have, that this is the only way. Please don't hate me for what I've done. Forgive me, my love.

Baekhyun

Pathetic. Everything about the note was pathetic. But what else could he write? Some things were beyond words.

He turned the key clockwise in the ignition and stepped firmly on the gas. The fumes burst in, acrid and foul. He revved the engine twice, then a third time for good measure. Nauseated and growing dizzy more rapidly than he expected, he quickly hoisted himself over the headrest and fell into the backseat, where he lay down between his slumbering children, his knees tucked up beneath him.

 _God,_ he thought,  _forgive me._

 

Chanyeol collapsed on a seat in the hospital's waiting room. He didn't believe it when he received an urgent call informing him that his husband and children were found unconcious in a car in the middle of the woods. He didn't believe it when a doctor explained to him that they had died because of carbon monoxide poisoning.

But he was finally forced to believe it when he saw the bodies, cold and lifeless. Tears fell silently from his eyes as he watched his angels sleep. No, they couldn't be dead. Baekhyun..he couldn't be  _that_ depressed, could he? Was this his fault? It was..his goddamn depression did this to his family.

"Its not your fault," warm arms enveloped him in a hug and he looked up to see his friends, Kyungsoo and Luhan, both of them with tears in their eyes. " It isn't your fault, Chanyeol. Stop blaming yourself," Kyungsoo said gently, his voice lifting an invisible burden off of his shoulders.

" This may sound inapproriate," Luhan said, "but you're both to be blamed for this. You for having an affair, Baekhyun for making life-changing decisions so rashly." Luhan shook his head.

Rash. Stubborn. That was the word that best describe his husband. Chanyeol smiled to himself. His stubborn little minx. Chanyeol still remembered the time Baekhyun had decided to repaint the whole house and, without waiting for his consent, painted the whole house blue. Chanyeol could only stare in dismay at his husband's extravagant masterpiece.

It was ironic that the eccentricness that brought them together had also torn them apart.

Chanyeol touched the note in his pocket. The note written by Baekhyun. Given to him by the doctor. He had already read it, and it tore him apart inside. Forgive him? Chanyeol was the one who fucked up and yet Baekhyun was the one asking for forgiveness.

All of a sudden, his friends' comforting words dissapeared, replaced by a soft, familiar voice crying to him, begging him.  _Forgive me.._

Lost and drowning in his grief, Chanyeol whispered out the last thing he could give to his husband, although logically he shouldn't have to give it at all. He prayed that those words would set them both free, to find the peace and happiness that they deserve.

_I forgive you._


End file.
